ACT 1: Let the show begin

First, thank you all for the love. I know yesterday's show was a little short, but y'all seemed to like it, so I'm grateful.

Now... We kick off the show and I promise it'll be an interesting one.

*Intro tune plays.*
*Intro tune is I'm sexy and I know it* ๐ŸŒš

I'm going to be doing a magic trick.

Me: wears an accomplished look.
Y'all: what?
Me: looks around looking even more pleased.
Y'all: Ight imma head out.

Alright, alright, alright. Hold on.

Let me explain.

For this trick, I'm going to make a couple of smiles disappear. I'm going straight for the jugular with my first act and I remain unapologetic about it.

Me: drops mic.
Also me: picks mic back up.

Alright... ๐Ÿ˜‚

I was wondering for the most part of yesterday... "How can I make money?" And yes... I was considering legal means only ๐Ÿ˜‚ I searched Google like normal people do and I saw some sites that pay for articles. About two of them weren't out of my range and so I checked them out.

My best option was Listverse. It's a platform that publishes lists of at least ten items (even though I saw articles with eight).  Anyway, I thought of what to write on and I got "Ten signs you're the toxic friend." I asked on my WhatsApp status what makes one a toxic friend and I got a couple of great responses.

Only issue is.. They don't accept articles from Nigeria. Okay... That sounds bad. Nigeria isn't on the list of countries they accept articles from. The list has only about six or seven countries on it.

I had a choice. Submit anyway 'cos there's no way they'd know I'm in Nigeria or I could pass up the opportunity and remain part of the number of Nigerians that aren't bad people.

Long story short, I now have a show on Blogger and y'all are here with me. Please give yourselves and myself a round of applause.

Y'all definitely didn't clap. Shame ๐Ÿ˜‚

Back to the magic trick.

Eight signs you're the toxic friend.

Let's be honest, no one wants to be the toxic friend. Even with the rise in "cut-off season", nobody will ever say they are the toxic friend... Well, except for some certain wolves who are just unfortunately unfortunate and know that they're toxic sha.

So... How do you know you're the one your friends are talking about when they throw subtle shades on their status? I gathered the responses I got and made a list of eight signs in no particular order.

8. You're friends with them for what they have and not who they are.

The saying "show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are" comes to mind.

If you are friends with people 'cos you feel it gives you status, you're toxic. If you're friends with people because they're good at something and think it'll make it easier for you to get free services, you're toxic!

Love people for who they are and support them as your friends. Stop using people.

7. You think of ways to manipulate your friends.

In relation to point 8, if you manipulate your friends into doing what you want through emotional blackmail and guilt tripping... Fam... You're as toxic as the river Styx.

You're not smarter than them, you're just... Alaye... You're mad ๐Ÿ˜‚

6. You find out things about your friends from their status.

This one ๐Ÿ˜‚ a song comes to mind...

O ta lara, o fแบน sukun
O ta lara, o fแบน sukun
O ta lara, o fแบน sukun
Pแบนlแบน o ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

If you don't understand Yoruba, you're making my job hard ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐ŸŒš๐Ÿ˜‚. Basically, it means... It's paining him/her, he/she wants to cry, sorry o.

If your friends don't tell you things and you have to hear it from their statuses or from gist... Bruh... You are probably toxic.

Your friends don't feel comfortable telling you things and you should check yourself.

5. You constantly mock your friends on things they've told you not to mock them with.

Fam... Why must you mock your friends on things you know they aren't comfortable with? You body shame your friends even when they have made it clear that you should stop, but yet... What do you do? You mock them on that same thing, worse than before.

Uncle Sade, Sister Isaac, you're very mad and very toxic... Change your ways.

4. You're jealous of their achievements.

If you're never happy about your friends achieving things... your toxicity is high on the pH level๐Ÿ˜‚

Your friend enters a relationship, you say it will end in tears. You are mad.
Your friend gets a job, you complain about the quality of the job. You are very mad.
Your friend buys a phone or something and you say it's not in vogue. Your lightning is trying to get its visa.

What's your issue? What's strong with you? What's the colour of your problem?

Please, cut yourself off.

3. You want to be the best in your circle.

You can't stand being second best in your group. You want to have the best clothes, the best phone, the best hair, the biggest news... You need to wash yourself with hypo, Dettol and a little bit of lightning.

Fix up.

2. You only remember your friends when you need something.

This one... You never check up on your friends, but when you need a share or you need someone to do something for you, you remember your friends...

If you're like this... You need intense caning and counselling.

1. You think your friends are always overreacting.

Set awแปn "There are people in worst situations", "it's not that serious"... I want to swear for you, but you're unfortunate, so... Shame.

Cheer your friends up. If something happens to your friends and it weighs them down, please don't compare situations. Help them through their own struggle.

In conclusion...

If you feel tensioned or you feel pained, fall down from that unstable table.

Again, no one wants to be a toxic friend, but if you think there's a chance that you are, please do the best to adjust and fix up.

Rousing round of applause...

Thank you, thank you...

I hope you enjoyed today's show and I would like to hear what you think down in the comments...

Till the next show, have a good day.

Comments

  1. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Alaye, you're mad. This table you're shaking... Sister David...

    ReplyDelete
  2. This one is to take your L and go jejely.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This made me crosscheck myself I think I can be toxic at times oops๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's to try to fix yourself now and be better for your friends

      Delete
  4. David, shaking too many tables. People will break neck o ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They should break the neck abeg ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Delete
  5. What's the colour of your problem?๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    ReplyDelete

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