ACT 11: Can I Make You Laugh?: Yeah, I said it!

 Before we proceed:

This is completely factual. It is also not intended to offend. Psyche! Get in your feelings 😂 Any resemblance to actual people or events is absolutely intentional. 

Let's goooo.

Round of applause as the lights come on.

*voiceover*
For the first show this year... I present an afternoon of comedy tagged: Can I make you laugh?

It promises to be great, unless it sucks, which I doubt it would, but that's not the point. Keep scrolling, keep your eyes peeled for the punchlines and if you don't laugh... I mean... I tried.

Without further ado, I present... Me!

Curtains open

Background music: Some people jealous me. Some people jealous me. Some people jealous me because I am handsome...

I walk out to the mic... I hear applause in my head even though I know you ain't clapping.

Let me just tell you ahead of time...

I'm slandering Semo for the whole of today's show. So, if you like semo, leave now 😂

Applause.

Hello! Wow. It is a new week, a new month and a new year!

Happy New Year, y'all!

More applause.

It's 6 days into 2021 and I'm hearing and seeing things I shouldn't, but sha, I'll keep observing 😂

Also, I'm tryna be consistent with the shows. I want to put out at least one every week, so, if you want me to make a show around something, let me know ✨ It'll help.

Another round of applause.

But enough with that. What do you say we try to bring some fun into your day with another afternoon of comedy?

More cheers from the audience

How could this possibly go wrong? 😂

I sip from my red cup that is filled with pepsi. I set the cup down on the stool and take the mic off the mic stand.

Alright...

First things first.

If you actually like Semo, you're either a cultist, or you have prolem 😂

I didn't make the rules. 😂

Like, Semo is so bottom tier, even the lesser known swallows are better than it 😭

It's no news that Pounded Yam is King of all swallows and while some weird people don't rate it, Amala is next in line. 

Then there's limbo where Eba, Fufu, Lafun, Ground rice, Ground corn, Wheat and Pupuru (which I call Kukuru for fun) reside.

And then there's the land of the forgotten where you find Semo 😂

Semo is so bad, they had to make another version to maybe help its cause, but nope. Semovita and Semolina are both trash 😂

I'm curious. 

How do you get a second chance and waste it? 😭

Like how? 😭

Semolina is now worse than Semovita.

I can hear someone saying poundo yam from one angle. 

You'll just open your mouth waaaah and air will be coming out. 😂

Pounded yam is Iyan. Iyan is Pounded yam. Those of you that make poundo yam are lazy (make una no too vex on top this thing o 😭) 😂 You just dint have the power to pound yam. 😂

But Semovita and Semolina are basically the same thing. It's whatever flour and hot water. The end.

Yet, Amaka airways 😭😂

All Semo lovers know is pain. 😂

If that's not enough to tell you that Semo is not rated...

Check the songs. 

In this Nigeria, if something is rated, you'll hear it in songs. Is it Gucci, or Beamer, or Bling Bling? 😂

See Iyan...

Burna said "oobi fun awon to gun iyan mi kere" in Gbeku.

But why you sef go do small pounded yam for pesin?

To reiterate the point, Olamide said "no be tete ma lo gun iyan mi kere" in Buga Small Small freestyle.

To show you that Iyan is King, Aitch said "Pounded Yam with Okra or Spinach" in Keisha & Becky remix. International shout out.

See Amala...

Dbanj said "mo gbóná feli feli bi amala to jina gangan." Burna said "won ko mi je bi amala ati ewedu."

And that's just to mention a few.

But see Semo... Only Rema gave it a shout out on Beamer😂

Even Fufu has more street cred.

M.I. said "now we chopping the game it's like fufu." Burna said "fun mi ni egusi ati fufu gan."

Now that I've gotten to this point, I can say clearly that Burna Boy is either an olounje, or he just likes to add food to his songs 😂

Takes another sip from my cup of pepsi.

You're still not convinced? 😂

Okay.

Oya...

...

...

...

How many of you have asked someone out on a Semo date?

No nau. Tell me 😂

You see people going on Amala dates, and then someone comes to you saying, "Let's go on a Semo date."

Shey you won't shepe for the person? 😂

Applause.

But sha, what can I say? 😂

To each his own. 😂

Let me leave you with this...

Always pay attention. If not, you'll be left with pap that has koko instead of proper Semo 😂

Yeah, I said it! 😂

Y'all should go and find solace in your watery pudding 😂

Background music: Baby pana, you say you like cassava, I get big cassava...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

It's been a wonderful show. I hope you laughed and had an all around great time reading this.

Please, leave your comments and share to your friends so they can laugh too.

I love you all. Love yourself, show some love, and don't forget that God loves you.

See y'all at the next show!

Ciao.

Rousing applause as I walk off stage.