ACT 13: Can I Make You Laugh?: I Burn For You

 Before we proceed:

This is completely factual. It is also not intended to offend. Psyche! Get in your feelings 😂 Any resemblance to actual people or events is absolutely intentional. 

Let's goooo.

Round of applause as the lights come on.

*voiceover*
For the third show this year... I present an afternoon of comedy tagged: Can I make you laugh?

It promises to be great, unless it sucks, which I doubt it would, but that's not the point. Keep scrolling, keep your eyes peeled for the punchlines and if you don't laugh... I mean... I tried.

Without further ado, I present... Me!

Curtains open

Background music: Galala no dey do dem again. Konto no dey sweet dem again o. Makosa no dey do dem again. Suo na the new dance wey dey reign...

I walk out to the mic... I hear applause in my head even though I know you ain't clapping.

Hello! Wow.

More applause.

It's 20 days into 2021 and good news...

FG and NIMC have shown to be all talk, no bite. They moved the deadline again.

All in all, I've not been blocked, and I remain nonchalant. Won't be pressured.

But, I will get my NIN. It is necessary, so I shall follow health guidelines (mostly just stall 😂). I advise you get yours too if you haven't.

Please, wear a nose mask when you're outside, and if you don't have a reason to go out, stay inside.

Na God I take beg you. No use agidi spoil everybody own.

Another round of applause.

But enough with that. What do you say we try to bring some fun into your day with another afternoon of comedy?

More cheers from the audience

How could this possibly go wrong? 😂

I sip from my red cup that is filled with pepsi. I set the cup down on the stool and take the mic off the mic stand.

Alright...

Remember how on the first show of the year, I mentioned that after 6 days in 2021, I was seeing and hearing things that I shouldn't be hearing?

Well, it's day 20 and the whole things is just really mental 😂.

I initially was struggling to decide what today's show would touch on, but as usual, my material writes itself the night before the show 😂.

Now, let me tell you about some of these things. As the disclaimer at the start of the show says, if you get in your feelings, stay there 🥴😂.

Let's do this.

Cheers from the audience as I sip from my cup of Pepsi.

Alright...

It's no news I have a moral dislike for the scissors gang, but most times, I just let them be. If I don't see their posts, I don't talk. Plus, they're usually only active in December.

What I don't now understand is why I'm seeing people from their community being active in January 😭😂.

It's now the worst of them: hypocrites 😂.

Like imagine if I came out and slandered people who still watch Henry Danger. For context, I still watch Nicky, Ricky, Dicky and Dawn when I have time for TV and Nickelodeon.😂

I pause and then break into a laughing fit.

I'm sorry, but the thing is just funny.

That's how I saw a post along the lines of if someone ghosts on you, don't bother them. Leave the dead to rest or something like that.

Pause.

That's a really sick line if you're not a ghost and you're tryna tension people.

However... 😂

My mind automatically went ehehn? So ghosts slander ghosts? Ghosts hate being ghosted on too? Eyah. O ma ṣe o.

Because I don't see why you will ghost on someone and now post that.

You sef rest. 😂

Recorded laughter plays from the speakers to mix with the audience's laughter.

I take another sip from my cup of Pepsi.

Omo. 😂.

This second one has a number of people on the table, and I don't really want to make enemies 😭.

But why will you say you want to take someone's boyfriend? 😭😂

If you posted this thing as joke, e no suppose pain you. If you meant it, omoooooo. Either close the tab, or read on and see something 😂

The one that do usually vex me is the one where the poster will now add if God gives me your man, who am I to complain?

What we're not going to do is act like Satan is not also a giveaway legend. 😂

If you get another person's s/o, enjoy your time together. They will be back in the list of raffle draw prizes soon.

😂

Cheers from the audience.

This last one is the funniest and the weirdest of all.

I burn for you.

😂😂😂.

If someone tells me "I burn for you", my response would be "Pele o. Mosquito coil."

I can't make this up 😂.

I burn for you. Burn what exactly? Calories? 😂

Gtfoh. 😂

I burn for you. And so? Are you sage? Abi you're scented candles?

😂

I don't even know what this expression is supposed to mean.

Is it supposed to be a better alternative to I love you?

So love apparently doesn't last, but na candle dey last? 😂

I burn for you. As I don't have kerosene or petrol, where do you see yourself in 5 years? 😂

She makes me burn. Pele. No go check yourself. Could be an STD 😂.

And that's it 😌.

Background music: Tell me wetin dey your body, your body, na your body, girl your body o. Ṣe kín kówó fún ẹ...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

It's been a wonderful show. I hope you laughed and had an all around great time reading this.

Please, leave your comments and share to your friends so they can laugh too.

I love you all. Love yourself, show some love, and don't forget that God loves you.

See y'all at the next show!

Ciao.

Rousing applause as I walk off stage.