ACT 16: Can I Make You Laugh?: Adverts are scams

 Before we proceed:

This is completely factual. It is also not intended to offend. Psyche! Get in your feelings 😂 Any resemblance to actual people or events is absolutely intentional. 

Let's goooo.

Round of applause as the lights come on.

*voiceover*
For the fifth show this year... I present an afternoon of comedy tagged: Can I make you laugh?

It promises to be great, unless it sucks, which I doubt it would, but that's not the point. Keep scrolling, keep your eyes peeled for the punchlines and if you don't laugh... I mean... I tried.

Without further ado, I present... Me!

Curtains open

Background music: I like woman, I dey straight forward. I like truth and I dey rock rumours eh. I don't know wetin you want to do, but make you let me know if you go show up eh...

I walk out to the mic... I hear applause in my head even though I know you ain't clapping.

Hello! Wow.

More applause.

It's February 10. February is flyinggggggg!

Who am I to complain sha. 

Plus, valentine is coming. 😂

Please, if you're going out, wear a nose mask when you're outside, and if you are a single pringle and don't have a reason to go out, stay inside. Don't disgrace yourself.

Na God I take beg you. No use agidi spoil everybody own.

Another round of applause.

But enough with that. What do you say we try to bring some fun into your day with another afternoon of comedy?

More cheers from the audience

How could this possibly go wrong? 😂

I sip from my red cup that is filled with pepsi. I set the cup down on the stool and take the mic off the mic stand.

Alright...

Today, I want to talk about how adverts are scams, especially adverts in Nigeria.

As you heard that, your mind probably flashed to about two or three adverts you've seen that you fell for. You're not alone. Trust me. 😂

First, have you noticed that the things that are the most useful don't exactly have adverts?

No?

Let me give you three examples.

1. Tell me where you've seen an advert for St. Louis cube sugar. Beht still, almost every house uses it.

By the way, if you use Golden Penny cube sugar, you're not using sugar. You're using cubed whites. Because what is that rubbish? 😂

2. Garri. This one is the most common. You don't need advert to tell you to buy garri. Yes, or yes? 🌚

3. Good Morning cornflakes. People love this thing. I do too. Yet, I've not seen one advert.

Even Nasco cornflakes that is strictly for cultists, I haven't seen an advert for it.😂

Yet, it is the very unnecessary commodities that have adverts.

Look at Access bank. Useless bank, but yet, they made advert. And I'm there like... Do you expect us to forget your reputation just like that? Come off it, my dia. 😂

Takes a sip from my cup of Pepsi.

Another brand that thinks we'll just forgive their shortcomings is Airtel.

Before I explain that, shey y'all have noticed that it's only Glo that doesn't have a memorable advert that is a song?

Becurz 😂.

Think about it nau...

MTN has two...

Everywhere I go, you can pi pi ping me, on my MTN oh oh, you can pi pi ping me
Cos no matter where I am, you can pi pi ping me. You're never too far to pi pi ping me.

That's a very old one.

Then there's...

My number don dey portable, e mean say, I fit to carry am come to MTN easy.
Come and enjoy the network wey no get part two ah ah
The number wey you dey use now and before carry dey go there.
I don port o, I don port o, I don port go MTN eh
kirikata kirikata kirikata kirikata, carry the same number go
I don upgrade to MTN eh!

See them! 😂 You see? Vibes.

Even Etisalat has one.

Before before, na so so network wahala. Until I come switch to Etisalat, e come dey easy.
Everything dey click with easy clique. So much better with easy starter.
See as we dey flex with easy flex. We come dey live with easy life.
Make una come, make una see. Na you know wetin you dey wait for.
Na who get ear make he hear, cos you no know wetin you dey miss until you switch...

It have do o. 😂 We can't sing the whole thing. Rest. 😂

Airtel has now decided to do their own.

Du du du du du du 444
You fit to do anything with the number (y'all shout 444)
Everything easy no long thing with (y'all shout 444)
No need to scatter your head with plenty number
Abegi jo jo jo, dial the number 444

Ore mi ma lo fo, o je sare lo 444
Mo ni ma fo, ma lo go, control code e dey your hand o.

I stand back and laugh as y'all sing:

444 o por o opor. 4 meta is a metaphor
You can recharge for airtime joor.
You can subscribe for data jo jo jo.

Abeg abeg abeg. 😂 It's still y'all Airtel users that I will be seeing your status updates at 10 p.m. saying "Airtel will disgrace you." Ase you have posted it by 1 p.m. The smartphone network my foot.

At least, Glo knows that it is useless. Us Glo users, we've accepted. 😂 Disguise isn't required.

Loud applause and cheers from the audience.

You know the one that pains me the most?

Indomie. 😂

To me, to you. It's up to us to make the world a better place.

I start conducting as y'all sing:

A place where we can love, where we can laugh, where we can live together in peace and harmony.
It's up to me, it's up to you. It's up to us to make the world a better place.

Oya, wait.

1 question...

Ask the children of this Indomie generation if they know Class of 3000, Total Drama Island, Atomic Betty, PowerPuff Girls that fought the Gangrene Gang and Mojo Jojo, Robot Boy, Kids Next Door, Ed, Ed, and Eddy, and watch these kretins say NO.

And you expect us to live in peace and harmony?

Lori iro! 😂

I said what I said 😂

Background music: I'm getting jealous, don't wanna see you with anybody o. I'm getting jealous already...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

It's been a wonderful show. 😂. I hope you laughed and had an all around great time reading this.

Please, leave your comments and share to your friends so they can laugh too.

Recommend topics for the comedy shows o! 😂 You people won't hear now. By the time I run out of material, you will know.

P.S. I have a podcast where I talk on music and curate songs based on artists, themes, genres, time periods, or moods.

You've read my comedy routines. How about giving my actual voice a shot? I get playful on some episodes, so you should enjoy it.

Listen to My Top 10 Countdown on https://anchor.fm/david-dada

See y'all at the next show!

Ciao.

Rousing applause as I walk off stage.