ACT 17: Story Time & Let's Talk

 Round of applause as the lights come on.

For the seventh show this year... I present to you an open forum. Let's have a heart-to-heart.

It promises to be great, unless it sucks, which I doubt it would, but that's not the point. Keep scrolling, keep your eyes peeled for the punchlines and if you don't laugh... I mean... I tried.

Without further ado, I present... Me!

Curtains open

Background music: Ta lo sọ pé kò pọ kẹ? OPP, o pọ pa. OPG, o pọ gan...

I walk out to the mic... I hear applause in my head even though I know you ain't clapping.

Hello! Wow.

More applause.

Valentine's is finally over. Yes! Got credit alerts from the boys on STREETS, so I guess it was an okay day for me.

I know a couple of you had a good day, so that's great. Love to see love.

I also put out a special podcast episode for that day. Those who listened said they love it, so that's a plus.

As I've been saying, please, wear a nose mask when you're outside, and if you don't have a reason to go out, stay inside.

Na God I take beg you. No use agidi spoil everybody own.

Another round of applause.

But enough with that. What do you say we try to bring some fun into your day with a short story before I start my monologue?

More cheers from the audience

How could this possibly go wrong? 

I sip from my red cup that is filled with pepsi. I set the cup down on the stool and balance in front of the mic.



I gripped the steering wheel as I listened to Funmi talk. It was the same thing every time.

When will you learn?

I slammed my foot on the brake and brought the car to a stop.

"Stop talking."

She looked at me, puzzled. "What's wrong?"

I sighed. "I'm tired of listening to you talk about your failed love ventures."

"But you're my best friend. Isn't that–"

I rose a finger, my way of telling her to not finish her sentence. "Isn't that my job?" I scoffed. "Fine. Let's say it is. Isn't it your job to listen to me too?"

"It is."

"Exactly," I said, a little louder than I should have. "You always talk about you, and I always talk about you. What about me?"

I stepped out of the car and was greeted by the pouring rain. I had not noticed that it was raining, but I was thankful as it provided the perfect mask for the tears that flowed down my face.


I looked back to find her hugging herself, enduring the harsh pummeling of the rain and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her, but I knew that would not help pass my message across.

"This isn't how we started. What happened to us?" She sounded dejected.

"There was never an us. There was just always you, and there was me, the moon that revolved around you." I smiled sadly. "You'd go get your heart broken and come back to me to help fix it and I'd do just that, because I care about you." I took a step closer to her. "I make you happy when you're sad and tell you not to repeat the same mistakes, but what do you do? You ignore me and start the stupid cycle again."


"No buts, Funmi." I ran a hand through my wet hair. "Your excuses aren't valid. You don't need a relationship to make you happy. You have people that care about you next to you. Stop ignoring them. Stop ignoring me." My voice cracked. "I love you, but the next time you make the same mistake, I'll let you deal with it alone."

She broke down in tears and I could not help it anymore. I ran to where she was and hugged her.

"Don't cry," I said amidst my tears.

"I'm sorry."

"Nonsense." I smiled. "Just don't jump into the arms of another guy until you're sure. Okay?"

She nodded and I pulled her up to her feet.

"What do you say we just stay out here and enjoy the rain for a while?"

"It's a good thing you know how to make a mean soup." She smiled and sat on the bonnet of the car.

I joined her, and we sat there, under the pouring rain, singing our hearts out.


Deafening round of applause as I hit the Whip.

Thank you! Yeah!

Wrote this on the 2nd of August, 2019. Still have it in my colornote trash can. I've edited it, and added a line or two, but it's basically the same thing that was initially written.

There you have it!


Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Now, for the mopey part.

Deep sigh as I sit on the stool and sip from my cup of Pepsi. I get the mic off its stand.

To be honest, I wasn't motivated to put out anything for this week. It's currently 3:03 a.m., 17th February, 2021, as I type this.

I had the thought, "nobody is looking forward to it. People are going to ignore it again."

And it's an accurate thought.

Since the 4th of December, 2020, I've put out 12 posts (this is the 13th), consistently putting out material, and while I'm not the only one that's consistent, nor the only one not getting the feedback they're expecting, it doesn't make it hurt any less.

The viewership of my last two shows added together is still less than the one before them alone. I was going to make a joke about how my "network" is thinking of cancelling the show unless I up my viewership.

And to be frank, it's likely to happen. I stay up late to get this done, because I can only properly put the whole thing together when everyone's asleep, and it's not good for my health.

It'd also be a load off the things I have to do. I'm also running a podcast that isn't getting many listeners, but I already announced a full season, so I can't cancel any time soon.

To those who always check out my content, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate it. I always say that I'm doing these things for you, and myself.

Don't worry though. I'm not one to give up because there's little support. I account for 99% of my fan base, so I keep going.

I'll see y'all again next week with some fresh material.

Please, leave your comments and recommend topics for the comedy shows. 

P.S. I have a podcast where I talk on music and curate songs based on artists, themes, genres, time periods, or moods.

You've read my comedy routines. How about giving my actual voice a shot? I get playful on some episodes, so you should enjoy it.

Listen to My Top 10 Countdown on

I love you all. Love yourself, show some love, and don't forget that God loves you.


Rousing applause as I walk off stage.


  1. Bold of you to assume I don't clap. 👀

  2. I remember that story! It's still as cool as I remember. And I can relate...unfortunately... *sigh*

  3. I didnt notice there weren't many readers here. I guess I assumed more people liked yo read your stand-up like I do. *sigh* a very late comment, I know. like its been four days and I'm guilty cause I have to go back and check if I did read the one before this too. please keep 'em coming. I still love to see it.


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